If using tofu: slice it lengthwise into two slabs, place in pot, cover with water, and bring to a boil. Lower heat and simmer for 3 minutes. Drain, then press for 30 minutes. Crumble into the food processor.
If using beans, stick them in the processor.
Add the smaller amounts* of the remaining ingredients to the food processor. Process for several minutes until perfectly smooth, stopping and scraping down the sides as needed.
Taste and add more umeboshi (for saltiness and tang), cashew (for savoriness), and/or agave (for sweetness).
You should end up with a thick but spreadable cheese. If you like, you can add a bit of non-dairy milk to make it creamier.
*Because the flavor of different brands of tofu and beans can vary, it’s best to start with the smaller amounts of each ingredient, then add more as needed.
Flavored vegan cream cheese: You can jazz up this simple recipe with garlic, green onions, herbs, dried fruit, sun-dried tomatoes, or roasted peppers. It’s always nice to offer a selection of flavored cream cheeses at brunch!